I've Been There
by bohemianbabe
Summary: No matter how alone you think you are there is always some one who understands what you're going through.


I've Been There

bohemian babe

Pg-13 for suicide references

Jesse Kilmartin stepped out of his car and looked around him. In front of him was a scenic look of a lake, to his left an old fashioned office, to his right was the boarding school's mail hall, and behind him was a dorm hall. The same dorm hall that he had lived in nearly fourteen years before.

He had only been sixteen the last time he saw "Derkinson Boarding School", but the memories stayed with him. At the time it had been an all boys school, but in the more recent years it had expanded to include girls. The dorm hall he had once lived in was now the girl's dorms, and he was on his way to pick up one of the girls.

Trisa Carlan was only seventeen, but she was also on the hit list of every mercenary that had been hired to kill several new mutants. Jesse had been sent to pick the girl up and bring her back to the safe house that Mutant X was being run from.

Although the school held less than pleasant memories for him he was grateful for the chance to get away for a while. It had only been five months since Lexa had died. He had held her in his arms as she had taken her last breath and nothing in his life had been the same since.

After taking one last look at the grounds he headed into the building. It only took him a few minutes to find the right room. He knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer.

The door opened to reveal a short blonde girl. "Are you with the campus police?" she asked in a broken voice.

"I'm here to pick up Trisa Carlan." Jesse quickly explained. "Is everything alright here?"

"Trisa is missing." The girl picked up a piece of paper from a desk. "She left this note, but no one knows where she is. I'm afraid that why they do find her it will already be too late."

"What do you mean?" Jesse inwardly cringed at the thought of his job suddenly becoming more complicated.

"This is a suicide note. She said that she feels abandoned and lonely." the girl wiped tears from her eyes. "I've always known that she needed a lot more emotional support and I tried to do all that I could for her."

Jesse nodded silently as he thought back to his own youth. "Has she ever said anything about some place she likes to go to think?"

"I know that she had found some place that had an old bench or something that she sat on. She told me a little about it, but never took me there. I tired to tell the campus police but they wouldn't listen."

"I might know the spot. Stay here and I'll see if I can find her." Jesse turned and hurried to go find the missing girl.

It took him a couple of minutes to re-orient himself with the school, but in a short time he had it all figured out again. He made his way through the woods on the outskirts of the school's property until he came to a small clearing.

Trisa Carlan was sitting on a small, roughly made wooden bench. In her hands was a small glass bottle. She took the lid off the bottle and brought it to her lips.

"Trisa, don't." Jesse called as he ran over to her. "You don't want to do this."

The girl lowered the bottle and looked at him. "How would you know what I want to do?"

"You're not the only one who has considered this as a way out." he sat down next to her. "At least tell me why you want to do this."

"You're the guy who was coming to take me to safety aren't you?" she asked.

"And I still will if you give me that bottle."

"You don't get it. I've got nothing left to live for. My parents don't even care about me. They just left me here so they could go travel around the world."

"Forget the fact that this is a top rated school and there are other, cheaper schools that they could have put you in. My parents did the same with me when I was a kid."

"You don't get this. If it isn't bad enough that my parents don't want me I'm also a freak. My stupid powers keep me from finding any friends." Trisa began to bring the bottle back to her lips but Jesse took it from her. "That's mine!"

"I'll give it back to you." Jesse consented. "But not till you listen to me about this."

"Come on. We both know that you'll save yourself a lot of trouble if you just go a head and give me that stuff back."

"It's not happening, Trisa." Jesse shook his head. "If you want this back you have to listen to me first."

The girl stared at him for a moment longer but finally nodded. "Fine, I'll play it your way."

"It won't be so bad." Jesse closed his eyes as he thought back. "I've actually considered doing this a few times. The first time was fifteen years ago, right after my parents dropped me off here. I'd been promised that I could stay with them but they decided that I would be 'better off' here. I was a computer geek and couldn't find any friends."

"You don't look like a computer geek."

"I was, still am. But the problem with that was that it meant most people didn't like me. After a couple of months I figured that I might as well save myself from any more of the problem. I was going to drown myself in the pool at night."

"What stopped you?" she asked, slightly curious.

"A man named Adam Kane. It was about the time my powers started to manifest themselves. Adam came to tell me about Mutant X. I figured that I could always wait and see if things got better. If they didn't then I could find another way."

"You're lucky, but I wont get a chance like that. I cant do anything for a team like yours. Can I please have the bottle back now?"

"I'm not finished yet. I said the first time I considered suicide was then. There have been a few other times. Even after I joined Mutant X I was still lonely. I had Adam and Shalimar, but they were like family. I wanted and needed something else."

"Let me guess, a girl."

"You got it. I actually managed to get a few girlfriends over the years. I was even serious about a couple of them. One of them had to move and the other was killed. After the one was killed I got it in my head that I could find her again in death. I was all set to end it all when a friend stopped me. She talked me out of it and then promised that she'd keep quiet about it."

"You know that you are really getting on my nerves." Trisa rolled her eyes. "I'm not sure that you get this, but I don't have any friends."

"Your room mate seems pretty worried about you."

"Kendall? She's only worried that the dean will blame her. He's been looking for an excuse to get her out of the school."

"That's not what it looked like to me."

"Well you don't know everything. Now are you don with these stupid stories."

"You really want this back, don't you?" he looked at the bottle in his had. "How much do you have to drink for it to kill you?"

"Not much. At least that's what the guy who sold it to me said. I don't even know what's in it." she looked seriously at him. "What's your reason this time?"

Jesse closed his eyes to stop the tears from coming. "My fiancée died a few months ago. It was the night before our wedding and I held her in my arms as she took her last breath."

"Oh." Trisa looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry. I guess you've got a good reason to kill yourself then, if you want to."

"We could share the bottle, both of us would be safe from misery. It doesn't really matter what our friends think or feel does it?"

Trisa sat in thought for a moment. "You can't do it. I mean you've got a job to do, saving others like us and all. Do you know how selfish you'd be to do this?" She looked across the clearing. "How selfish we'd both be to do it. I guess Kendall's alright. She lets me borrow thing from her all the time, and she helps me run interference when one of the teachers is upset."

"But I thought that you were lonely and had no friends."

"I've got Kendall, and I guess I've got you." She snatched the bottle from him and through it against a tree. The glass shattered and the liquid was absorbed into the ground. "You can always find another time to do it if that is what you want."

"Alright." Jesse agreed. "Are you ready to go get your stuff so we can get you to a secure location?" He stood up and lead the way back.

"Yeah." Trisa followed him through the woods. "How much of your story was true?"

"Every word of it, and there have been a few other times too. It's not a smart thing to do because no matter how sure you are that no one cares for you there is always some one who does."

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Author's Note

Although the set up to the story is fictitious the issue dealt with is very real. Over the years there have been many times when I have felt suicidal. Each time I have chosen not to tell anybody. That is not a wise thing to do. If you ever feel like suicide is the only way out of a situation find someone to talk to. It is not the answer. You may think that no one out there cares about you, but there is always someone who does. Suicide starts a chain reaction that no one can stop.


End file.
